Chapter 8

Valerie’s heart is pounding wildly in her chest as she stands outside on the deck, deeply inhaling the fresh air. She feels a multitude of emotions run through her. Longing from the passion that was flaring up inside her. Fear from the images that flashed in her mind. Embarrassment that she pushed Richie away. And lastly, anger that Brad still had this hold on her. She wants to lash out at something ... anything. Unable to stop herself, she drives her fist into the wood railing of the deck. The flash of pain a welcome release to the storm raging inside her.

Once she calms down a little, she sits down on one of the chairs on the deck. She grabs her pack of cigarettes and lighter from the small table beside her. She pulls out a smoke and lights it, deeply inhaling, eager for it’s calming effect. Her heart finally stops it’s racing, although she can feel moisture gathering in her eyes. She wipes the tears from her face, not wanting Richie to see her like this.

A few moments later she hears the door to the deck opening. She looks over to it as Richie walks out to join her.

“I’m so sorry Richie. I didn’t mean for that to happen.” Valerie apologizes.

Richie looks into Valerie’s eyes. He can see the pain there, and curses himself. “You have nothing to apologize for. I didn’t mean to make you feel pressured into something you’re not comfortable with. I just can’t help myself when I’m near you. Don’t be afraid to tell me to fuck off.”

“It not your fault Richie, it’s mine. I have demons that don’t seem to want to let go of me.” She doesn’t want him to feel responsible. “I’ll understand if this is too much for you .... if you don’t want to get involved with me.”

Richie can sense that this has to do with what happened in the past with her ex. Although she hasn’t told him all the details of what happened that night, he has a feeling it involved more than just a beating. He curses the man that hurt her, and wants to do everything in his power make that pain go away. “Trust me, I don’t scare away that easily.” He tries to reassure her.

Richie kneels down in front of her, brushing a strand of hair from her face. He looks into her eyes, seeing the wetness from her tears. “I feel lucky to be with you. You’re a special woman, any man would be crazy not to see that. You’ll get through this, and I’ll be here to help you. Don’t be afraid to talk to me about anything.”

Valerie can see the sincerity of his words in his warm brown eyes. She wants so badly to believe him, but has been hurt so many times in the past, she finds herself struggling. “ Thank you Richie for understanding. I’ve been trying so hard to forget and move on, but it just keeps coming back to haunt me.” Valerie looks away from his face, willing away the sting of tears.

Richie can sense that she’s not comfortable talking about what happened, and he doesn’t want to push her. He knows time will heal her wounds, and when she’s ready, she’ll open up to him. He’ll just have to be patient, and try harder to control the raging desire that courses through him when he’s around her. He has a feeling that in the long run it’ll be worth it, and maybe this relationship between them will be what he’s been searching a long time for.

Valerie looked into Richie’s face again after getting control over her tears. She is amazed at her luck in finding a man like him, and just prays that she doesn’t screw it up. She finds herself memorizing all the features of his face, feeling that tinge of butterflies in her stomach. She wants so badly to kiss him again, but holds back out of fear that the moment will get ruined again by her visions.

Valerie reaches over to the ashtray on the table and snuffs out her cigarette, then placing her hands on the armrests of her chair she starts to push herself up. Richie takes her lead and stands up with her. They both look at each other for a moment, until Valerie reaches her arms around him in an embrace. She places her head on his chest listening to the soothing sounds of his heartbeat. She feels one of his hands rubbing her back while the other one is lightly caressing the back of her head.

“It’s going to be ok, we’ll get through this.” Richie promises her, enjoying the feel of her in his arms.


Valerie nods her head in agreement, not wanting to break the spell. She feels safe in his arms, and slowly closes her eyes, wanting to savor this moment of tenderness. Unfortunately the moment was cut short by Richie’s cell phone ringing. He growls as his pulls it out of his pocket and looks at the caller ID. She hears him mutter the word fuck as his flips the phone open to answer it. She reluctantly releases her hold around his waist to allow him to talk to the person on the phone. She can’t help but smile at the annoyed look on his face.

“Hello?” Richie answers the phone, annoyed at the intrusion.

“Hey man, where are you?” Jon asks on the other end.

“I’m at Valerie’s. What do you want?”

Jon can hear the annoyance in Richie’s voice, and can’t help but laugh. “Sorry man, did I interrupt something?”

Richie knows what Jon is hinting at, and doesn’t want to give him the satisfaction. “No it’s fine.”

“Listen, Tico and Dave are here to discuss tour plans, and we could really use our guitarist’s input. So do you think you could get your ass over here.”

“Right now?” Richie really doesn’t want to leave just yet.

“Umm... yes, right now. Get your dick out of Valerie’s pussy, and get your ass over here.” Jon’s tone left no room for argument.

Richie so badly wants to deck Jon for that comment, but he controls his anger. “Fine, I’m on my way.” Richie replies before hanging up the phone.

Valerie had gone and stood over on the other side of the deck to give Richie some privacy while he was on the phone. She was leaning forward on the railing looking at the trees and flowers in the backyard when Richie walked up behind her and put his arms around her waist. She instinctively leans back into him, loving the feel of his arms around her.

“I’m sorry, but I have to go. My boss needs me to help with decisions involving the tour.” He apologizes.

Valerie turns around so she can look into his face. “Your boss?” She asks arching an eyebrow. “I didn’t know rock stars had bosses.”

Richie chuckles. “Yeah, Jon’s the boss. He calls most of the shots. He handles most of the business side of things, which is cool with me.”

“Well I should probably crack open some of my school books and start studying. I have a full week of finals coming up.” Valerie admits.

“Ok, well I’ll talk to you later then.” He replies before bending his head down to give her a quick kiss.

Valerie and Richie walk back into the house and she follows him to the front door. She watches him as he walks out to his car and drives away. She then shuts the door and leans against it for a moment gathering her thoughts. She knows she should get started with her studying, but doesn’t feel like doing it. She has all day tomorrow to pour over books and notes.

Valerie walks into the kitchen to grab her cell phone out of her purse. She told Nikki she’d give her a call, so she dials her friend’s number and waits for her to answer.

“Hey sister. Wasn’t sure if you were going to call me tonight.” Nikki answers the phone.


“Richie just left so I thought I’d call you.” Valerie replies.

“So.... what did you guys do when I left?”

“We came here to my house. I ordered a pizza, and we watched a movie..... I think I fucked things up.” Valerie expresses her fear to her friend.

“Why? What happened?” Nikki questions, the surprise evident in her voice.

“We started kissing on the couch. Everything was feeling great, then all of a sudden I had a flashback from that night, and I panicked. I pushed him away and ran out to the back deck.” Valerie confesses.

“Oh shit. What do you think triggered it?”

“I don’t know. Maybe it’s because I was laying on my back with him half on top of me. I remember feeling him start to caress one of my breasts, then it happened.”

“How did he take it?” Nikki questions.

“He followed me outside, and apologized. He thought he’d done something wrong. I told him it wasn’t his fault, it was mine.”

“Wow.... So he wasn’t upset?”

“He didn’t seem to be. Surprisingly he seemed very understanding, but I don’t know. I’m afraid he’s going to decide it’s not worth the trouble to get involved with me.”

“I don’t know Val. Even though I was only around him for a little while, he didn’t strike me as the kind of guy to turn tail and run. He seemed very interested in you. Not like the other guys you tried to date, who I’m sure were only interested in one thing.” Nikki tries to reassure her.

“Yeah, but how am I going to get past these flashbacks?”

“I hate to say it, but, I think you brought this on yourself. You never really dealt with what happened that night. I know you’ve tried to sweep it under the rug, pretend it never happened, but it did. I’m sure you did it, because you wanted to protect Chris and I from knowing all the details, but you need to talk about it, with someone ...anyone. It’s the only way you’re going to be able to moved on, and finally be able to put it past you.”

Valerie kind of felt like she was being scolded, although she knew what Nikki said was true. She did have a tendency to not ask for help, trying to take care of things on her own. Usually that meant pretending nothing happened. She really didn’t want to go into details of what happened that night because she didn’t want Chris and Nikki to treat her differently than before, like she was broken and needed special treatment. She also didn’t want anyone’s pity, it was her fault she dated Brad in the first place, she should have seen the signs, now she’s the one that has to live with the consequences. She knows Chris feels guilty for not going over to Brad’s with her that night, and she doesn’t want him to feel worse by knowing all details of what transpired.

“You’re right, Nic. I know I’m going to have to open up and talk to someone about it. I don’t know when, or with who, but I will eventually. I so badly want things to work out with Richie and I. I just have to get over my fears.” Valerie finally responds.

“I know it’s going to be hard for you Val, to relive that night, but it’ll be worth it.” Nikki encourages her.

“Thank you Nic.” Valerie replies somberly.

“No problem sis. You’ll get through this, I know you will, and you’ll be happier then you have been in a long time. I’m sure you’ll feel like you old self again, before that night happened.”

“Then I can get back to being a troublemaker, right?” Valerie can’t help but chuckle at memories of the stunts her and Nikki used to pull.

“Exactly” Nikki laughs. “Richie won’t know what hit him.”

Valerie laughs at that last remark. “ Well, I should probably get some studying done. I’m dreading this week full of finals. Just hope I do ok.”

“You’ll do fine.” Nikki promises.

“Alright I’ll talk to you later.”

“Ok.... love you sister.”

“Love you too .... bye bye.” Valerie hangs up her phone.

Instead of getting her books out, Valerie climbs the stairs to her bedroom. All of the day’s events have left her exhausted, she just wants to climb into bed and sleep.

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